


Marks

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with no happy ending, Depressed Logan, Logan Sanders Angst, Logan is keeping secrets from the others, Sad Logan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 14:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18367772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: He was selfish, he was a smartass, he was stupid, he was an asshole, he was hurtful, he was boring, he was a hypocrite, and he was stubborn. He knew all of it, he knew his every flaw and downside.He knew what was wrong with him, and yet...it felt impossible to put an end to it. But then again, that was the very reason he didn’t…He knew what he was like, and that was the very reason he didn’t stop them.Because he deserved this, and he knew that he deserved this.And everything that it entailed.





	Marks

It wasn’t hard to get away from the others, after everything that had happened today Logan had the feeling that not only were they all tired, but that they all needed some time to themselves. Just looking at the others’ faces that displayed an array of emotions that he honestly couldn’t describe, but even without that he could tell right away that tonight Patton wouldn’t be there to cook dinner for them, and that tonight there would be no snuggle movie party. He could tell that tonight would mostly consist of them sneaking down into the kitchen scrounging together a sandwich and some chips before scurrying back up to their bedroom, never eager to break the silence that stretched solemnly throughout the mindspace.

There would be no telling just what the morning would bring them, whether Patton would grin at him like he always would, or if Roman would gallop down the stairs with a thousand ideas on his tongue. Honestly, Logan didn’t know if all would be well or not.

But standing there in his dimly lit bathroom as shadows washed over his face like the makeup on Roman’s face, Logan allowed his fingers to drift over the stark reflection of his own face on the mirror. Every curve and sharp jutting angle of his face felt weirdly flat as he stared back at himself, his glasses laid tucked away in the collar of his shirt but that wasn’t the cause of this...sensation that he felt ravished by. Staring back almost dispassionately at himself he knew the real reason he had been feeling so off in the recent days that had led up to the trial.

He knew why, even if he really didn’t want to.

Warmth stung at his mossy earth colored eyes as he blandly regarded himself in the light of his own bathroom, and just for a second his breathing all but stuttered and stopped as he held his breath.  A tidal wave of something washed over him, like a hurricane cutting through the trees and whatever blockade had been set up to stop it, everything can crumbling down as he felt the sharp edges of his sleeves cutting into his wrists.

A harsh jagged sob cut right through him, no matter how he tried to stop it it bubbled up and fell from his lips as he hunched over the sink. The tears that had welled up in his eyes dripped like rain against a window on a solemn day. He wanted to grip his new longer sleeves, he wanted to rip and tear at them until only his original shorter sleeves remained. He couldn’t stand covering himself all of the time, he missed the freedoms of his movements, he missed the days where he could just wear shorts or even his summer dresses when the days got too hot. He missed...being free, he missed it all, to be honest. He…

He missed what his life had been like before the words of malice and hurt had appeared on his flesh. At first staining his chest, something that was so easy to hide. Until when Virgil had been appearing more and more, the words had migrated down to his legs. The simple fact that he was no longer able to wear shorts was a little harder to deal with, but regardless he had dealt with it. And for a while after the issues involving the anxious side had been dealt with, it was alright. The words had stopped growing, they had come to an absolute halt, and so for at least a little while, he had thought that everything was getting better. That everything would be alright, that he would be alright.

_Logan, can you just stop?!_

He was wrong.

He was so so wrong.

Jumbles of words had started to crawl all over him again, so many words that not even the strongest concealer would cover it up. The others would have had a field day to know that their words had more than figuratively stuck with him, to know that they had actually wounded him in some way. They would have found his entire situation laughable, or…

Looking at a string of words that had looped itself around his ankle.

They would have been hurt, to know that everything that they had said both to his face, and behind his back was literally on his back. He was just lucky that so far nothing that they said so far had come up to his face or hands, after all, it would have looked strange for him to suddenly start wearing gloves or makeup considering that he had never done so before. They would suspect, and then they would ask questions. There was no way that he could lie to them about this, not if Patton looked at him with those eyes. Not if Roman strode forward and squeezed his shoulder in the same way that he always did, in that concerned caring nature of his. Not if Virgil’s narrowed eyes searched his face, anxiously looking for whatever may have hurt him. He couldn’t do it if they cared for him, and honestly...he knows that they cared.

Just not enough to never say a bad word about him again.

And looking down at the single string of words that stretched themselves over the inside of his arm, that was what hurt most. They couldn’t..no they wouldn’t stop saying these things, and there was no way that he could police just what they could and could not say about him.

He was bad, he knew that. He was selfish, he was a smartass, he was stupid, he was an asshole, he was hurtful, he was boring, he was a hypocrite, and he was stubborn. He knew all of it, he knew his every flaw and downside. After all, it was forever tattooed onto his flesh without a single way to get rid of it. He knew what was wrong with him, and yet...it felt impossible to put an end to it. But then again, that was the very reason he didn’t…

He knew what he was like, and that was the very reason he didn’t stop them.

Because he deserved this, and he knew that he deserved this.

And everything that it entailed.


End file.
